| (pas de sujets) |
[déc. 27e, 2006|09:59 am] |
|
4 little tiny days left...do i really want to move? |
|
|
| myspace sucks |
[juil. 28e, 2006|08:57 am] |
um can someone please check and see if i no longer am your myspace friend? i think ive been deleted....
if so, thats a bummer. too much work put in to get the boot, ya know? |
|
|
| lunacy |
[juil. 1er, 2006|12:09 am] |
|
ps no regrets |
|
|
| my life WITH me |
[avr. 20e, 2006|02:20 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 10974 | ] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | happy very very happy | ] |
i am absolutely, positively, without a doubt one of the luckiest girls alive!!! |
|
|
| f fulls |
[avr. 3e, 2006|03:52 am] |
i want a queen.
and i want him back.
f you, geogrpahy.
once again. |
|
|
| orange county |
[mar. 31e, 2006|11:46 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | forlorn | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | delgados "dont stop" | ] |
even here doesnt seem right without you. ive just been moping around the house with my dog and cat the past two days. even they seem to pity me. im not crying all the time. only when he calls (i try to be strong but towards the end i always break down) or we talk on msn or i look at too many of our photos or think too intently about the mix cd.
last night aaron came to visit. and today was jordans turn. we ended up going to see cirque du soleil. we had incredible seats and VIP eating privileges. feta farmer cheese dip and strawberries in chocolate fondu were at the top of my list. it was an awesome date, but i couldnt help but think about my pololo...
even one more kiss would do. give me another smurf lip. honest, i dont mind at all. |
|
|
| i lied |
[mar. 29e, 2006|06:09 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | mix in progress | ] |
i am sad. he is the only thing i am able to think about. constant reminders. my apartment, the bed, the lack of towels, the music, the subway wrappings from our frequently-shared sandwich. and, most especially, all these bruises on my anemic body, left by his hands....im already finding traces of him left behind. like his jar of pickles in the fridge. his 350 key handed onto me. the book he bought for me, left appropriately on the nightstand (his favorite book no less).
i took a nap and woke up for the first time in this bed alone. and it really hit me. my sweetheart is gone. and it hurts. a good hurt, yes, but hurts all the same. |
|
|
| goodbye, my lover |
[mar. 29e, 2006|03:42 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | sad, but glad? | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | amelie | ] |
we all went to the airport to say goodbye to diego and camila.
i was wearing his shortalls. "the most fashionable outfit a girl could ever wear." amazing, i think he said.
about 12 of us were there. for about two and ahlf hours becasue the flight was delayed. i kept tearing up just thinking of what was to come.
i thought i had gotten good at goodbyes.
but this goodbye was different. this was my boyfriend, my roommate of late, my love.
he went around the circle...when he finally came to me i was already crying. and so was he.
god, diego, i dont want to do this. i dont want to. i cant.
i didnt say much. because i was crying. and becuse i had already said it all in the flashcard letter i included in his going away gift bag.
(shoot i just realized that i forgot to tell him i love him before he got on the plane. that strikes me as odd.)
he looked me deep in the eyes and told me to take care of myself.
and that hed call me when he got to atlanta for his layover.
so it isnt really goodbye.
but i wont have him in my arms for such a very long time.
god im going to miss him.
goodbye my friend. |
|
|
| my boyfriend |
[mar. 19e, 2006|02:18 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | desirous | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | madonna | ] |
yes, things havent been easy, but we all know that anything that is worthwhile isnt. we have less than two weeks. and as we continue to get closer and closer i m realizing just how much im going to miss him.
"i like you one hundred percent." i like you. one hundred percent.
"i dont feel like showering."
"neither do i. i dont want the shower...i want you."
im hung up on you. no time to hesitate... |
|
|
| the insignificance of it all |
[mar. 6e, 2006|02:15 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | facetious | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | clic lab | ] |
am i so insignificant that dogs and humans alike fail to notice my existence?
i just got walked straight into three times in the matter of seven minutes. one short walk from franz to powell and i get stepped all over. so now i know what it is to be the downtrodden.... |
|
|
| cuico |
[mar. 2e, 2006|12:58 am] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | doormat | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | chris' yoga music | ] |
im talking to chris. about the difference. how things were and how things are.
you dont respect me. he doesnt respect me. because i took him back.
so easily. without making him work for it.
ah chocho.
so this is the reason. |
|
|
| ocho chocho |
[mar. 2e, 2006|12:10 am] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | not about love bc not in love | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | represent cuba | ] |
he had to stop us. because he had class and had to eat lunch before walking down.
i just lay there, watching him silently.
"do you hate me?"
"no. i hate me."
just like you. |
|
|
| so... |
[fév. 23e, 2006|02:59 pm] |
.. i should never post such positive s. uncertain, yes. but positive all the same.
as soon as i post anything positive the lj gods decide its time to bring me back down to neutral via negative experiences and/or feelings.
last night i talked to my friends and they put ideas in my head. once again. i dont trust him. perhaps he did lie. perhaps i am the fool that took him back. needless to say, we didnt have our talk.
i went to the dorms for a couple group meetings. the first was with the ladies of chem. i love them. honest to pete. then the education group after collection of the surveys and finally the chem ladies picked me up and we went to in n out. ive been cheating so much. im starting to get scared. tomorrow i swear. tomorrow.
but then somehow between last night with the chem girls and all this morning with them, i started to feel alright. im in a rather good mood now. we havent had our talk yet. and maybe we never will. but i cant let him, or any boy, get to me. i just cant keep letting things in. and at least i have a wonderful social life aside.
livin small. |
|
|
| la la la |
[fév. 22e, 2006|05:05 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | co-op computer room | ] |
life is strange. or is this not strange? i cant decide.
trust is difficult. especially after he lost it the first time. right when i was really starting to trust him. now i have this inner conflict. four steps forward, but six steps back sort of thing.
but i like him. i never stopped. and the fact that he couldnt be with her now because he missed me..i dont really know what to feel. i couldve been all prideful, f that s, you hurt me. but i wasnt. i did what i wanted to in my heart. even if what i knew in my head contradicted everything.
and now here we are. out in the open. together every night. and yet the talk still in limbo. tonights supposed to be the night. but everytime we get together....it seems like talkings the last thing on our minds. (is this the goodlife equivalent of make up sex? just a thought.)
in other news, my chilean friend caused me quite some drama this past week. first nowhere to be found. then sleeping in my room. never coming home from venice. a whole assortment of things. but im so glad hes here. i feel that weve known each other all our lives. daniel...what a crazy little alien you are.
so thats me recently. a lot of schoolwork. a lot of friends. quite a bit of diego. and an awful lot of daniel. (yes, i alternate chilenos in my room nightly)
im pretty content. i cant lie. |
|
|
| what i meant one week ago was.... |
[fév. 19e, 2006|02:46 pm] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | hole - "you should learn how to say no" | ] |
how quickly things come and go and come again.
a mierda.... |
|
|
| the enabler |
[fév. 11e, 2006|04:09 pm] |
| [ | Humeur actuelle |
| | achey | ] |
| [ | Musique actuelle |
| | sigur ros | ] |
sometimes putting yourself out there, you enable others.
in stripping away the layers, in letting down your guard, in opening up, in letting them in, in exposing yourself, in presenting your heart. in doing all these things, you essentially set yourself up for disaster.
i did these things, against my better judgement.
and he hurt me. he promised he wouldnt and he did.
im sitting here in iso. remembering how just one week ago he had shown up to spend time with me whilst i studied.
how fleeting the good experiences are. how quickly things come and go. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sarahgoodlife